If I tell you that a woman accepted an online proposal of marriage from a man whom she had never met despite their “relationship” lasting nine years, you might think she sounded a bit gullible. If I tell you that he explained away his inability to see her face-to-face by saying that he was in a witness protection programme, and claimed he was unable to speak to her on the phone because he had lost his voice due to a stroke, you might think she sounded like a prize idiot. And you will be unsurprised to learn that the story ends with the woman discovering that she has been the victim of a fraud.
But in Sweet Bobby, a Netflix documentary (and previously a podcast), Kirat Assi doesn’t come across as stupid. The film lays out just how this woman – smart, educated, surrounded by family and friends – was taken in. It’s an astonishing tale of deception.
We all know to be wary of Facebook friend requests from complete strangers, but “Bobby” did not quite fall into that category. His little brother had dated Kirat’s cousin, and they had plenty of mutual connections in the Sikh community. He was a cardiologist, married and living in Kenya. Their early interactions seemed benign.
Three years into their friendship, Kirat received a call to say that Bobby had been shot and was critically ill. Even this, when placed in context, didn’t seem beyond the realms of possibility: Kenya was not the safest place, and Kirat knew of people who had been killed there.
OK, the idea of him being moved into witness protection in New York does sound a bit daft – particularly the fact that all of Bobby’s friends and family were told where he was. But the web of lies was so elaborate that Kirat didn’t doubt it. By this point she was also chatting regularly online to Bobby’s friends.
And while most “catfishing” scams of this type are financial, Kirat was never asked for money. She was just conditioned into falling in love, with Bobby confiding in messages that his marriage had broken up. As a woman in her 30s, desperate to settle down and start a family, Kirat was the ideal victim. The elaborate psychological manipulation over so many years meant that she eventually lost her grip on reality.
I won’t give away exactly what happens. But it’s no spoiler, because he appears in the opening scenes, to tell you that Bobby does exist. He’s just not the man Kirat thought he was.
Netflix usually strings out these true-crime stories over several episodes, but here the story is told in one neat film. Kirat deserves admiration for going public despite the humiliation. It is a sad story – she is now 44, and the scammer effectively stole her childbearing years. You might think that this could never happen to you. Before this all began, Kirat would probably have said the same.