Strictly Come Dancing’s 20th anniversary year has been nothing but nightmarish so far. There have been allegations of bullying and a toxic workplace. Two professional dancers have departed under clouds. Questions have been asked about the show’s duty of care. There were even fears that this year’s series might not go ahead at all.
Nonetheless, it’s ballroom business as usual and the Strictly class of 2024 has now been unveiled in full. Can this year’s intake help the BBC behemoth bounce back from its summer of scandal? The jury is out. There have been ye olde grumblings about too many reality stars and ringers with dance experience. Many have been underwhelmed by the lacklustre lineup – although once the hoofing gets under way and viewers fall for the pairings, disappointment does tend to dissipate.
Hotly rumoured bigger names – the likes of Hannah Waddingham, Nicola Roberts, Alan Carr, Michelle Keegan, Louis Theroux, Rylan Clark and various minor royals – failed to materialise. There has been speculation that producers have found it harder than usual to sign up celebrities, especially women, due to the recent controversies. The fact that there are only six women among the final 15 might well support this theory.
So who’ll be getting sprayed orange and squeezed into Spanx come September? Who might win the fabled glitterball trophy? Who almost certainly won’t? We have ordered the fresh crop from worst to best in terms of likely success. Staaaaaart ranking …
15. Dr Punam Krishan
Who? You know, the media medic. No, not that one. Or the other one. Oh, never mind. Dr Krishan is a health expert on the BBC’s Morning Live, as well as a practising NHS GP. Novelty numbers involving white coats and sparkly stethoscopes are inevitable. However, a lack of fame means her ballroom diagnosis looks terminal. Sorry but no, you can’t seek a second opinion. Next!
14. Wynne Evans
Who? You know, the Go.Compare bloke. He’s mainly known as Gio Compario from those irritating comparison site ads but Evans is also a BBC Radio Wales presenter and won Celebrity MasterChef last year, so has talent contest pedigree. Expect operatic routines, fake moustaches and lame puns on his name (Evans for the Wynne, etc) before an early exit. Now the BBC is recruiting from adverts, who will be next? Cillit Bang’s Barry Scott? Aleksandr the meerkat?
13. Paul Merson
The Sky Sports pundit is a “character”, so should deliver comedy value. His old Arsenal mucker Tony Adams became a cult hero two series ago and “Merse” will hope to be similarly clutched to the nation’s hearts. He has been admirably frank about his struggles with gambling, alcohol and cocaine, providing fodder for soul-baring VTs. Although we wonder if there was a typo and producers actually wanted Paul Merton?
12. Montell Douglas
Gladiator, ready? You will dance on my first whistle. The former Olympian now known as Fire will be swinging her giant cotton bud at Craig Revel Horwood if he’s not careful. Her casting was, you’ll be thrilled to learn, “revealed on the set of Gladiators at Sheffield Utilita Arena” and included unveiling her “bespoke Roblox character”. So that’s nice for iPad-addicted eight-year-olds.
11. Pete Wicks
He’s billed as a “TV personality, author, radio and podcast host” (isn’t everyone, babes?) but “not Joe” Wicks remains best known for ITVBe trash-fest TOWIE. His BFF Sam Thompson is reigning king of the jungle and he’ll be hoping some of that winning magic rubs off. However, Wicks is too much of a reality rent-a-face to excite. Indeed, his upcoming appearance on Celebrity SAS: Who Dares Wins will be broadcast while Strictly is on air, infuriating the BBC and Channel 4. A tabloid-friendly showmance might be his best hope.
10. Tom Dean
The Team GB swimmer’s casting became the worst-kept secret in showbiz when he blurted it out poolside in Paris. The triple gold medallist was clearly overexcited about swapping tiny trunks for tight trousers and the smell of chlorine for the biscuity aroma of fake tan. Oddly, Strictly’s previous Olympic swimmers – Mark Foster, Ellie Simmonds, Adam Peaty – were all eliminated sixth. We see no reason why blabbermouth Tom should buck the trend.
9. Nick Knowles
Midlife crisis warning! Dad dancing klaxon! Shirley Ballas coming over all aflutter alert! The stubbly face of DIY SOS has a sideline as an acoustic rocker, so musicality shouldn’t be a problem – even if his last album (also his first) peaked at number 92. Knowles might be more used to sanding floors than strutting across them but his three sisters are all dancers, so he could be a dark horse. We anticipate routines involving sparkly hard hats and glittery tool belts. If Elstree has a flood or something, he could also knock up a new ballroom at short notice.
8. Toyah Willcox
It’s a Mystery! I Want to Be Free! Um, her other hits! Partial to busting out moves on TikTok, waltzing Willcox could be this year’s mature surprise package, in the noble tradition of Debbie McGee and Annabel Croft. A slightly too blatant desire to win might prevent the 80s punk popstrel from going all the way, as might getting mixed up with surprisingly similar-looking fellow dancer Sarah Hadland. Also be prepared for that sly double “l” in her surname to catch out on-screen caption writers.
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7. Shayne Ward
The man with the superfluous “y” won The X Factor in 2005, beating such musical luminaries as Andy Abraham, who would go on to finish joint last in Eurovision 2008. He has since turned his hand to acting in Coronation Street and Channel 5’s The Good Ship Murder, in which he plays a crime-solving cruise line crooner. No, really. He ticks the “northern hunk for the mums” box but, like previous incumbents Adam Thomas and Will Mellor, might fall short of the final.
6. Sam Quek
Let’s hope her full name is Samba Quickstep. The former Team GB hockey star has carved out a busy broadcast career, presenting Morning Live and being a team captain on the ill-fated, banter-based reboot of A Question of Sport. Quek narrowly missed out on winning I’m a Celeb and Celeb MasterChef. Her fierce work ethic and competitive fire might mean she goes one better in the ballroom. If all else fails, she can compare Olympic medals, MBEs and seven-letter names with rival Tom Dean.
5. JB Gill
Mewwy Cwistmas to fans of Harry Hill’s TV Burp! His JLS bandmate Aston Merrygold was eliminated way too early in 2017. Gill will be keen to go further and secure bragging rights. He’s now a farmer and has appeared on Countryfile, providing plentiful scope for livestock-based prefilmed segments and talk of “swapping muddy wellies for dancing shoes”. Alongside one of this year’s other contestants, Jamie Borthwick, he is the second signing who has previously won the festive special, jiving to victory in 2012. They are recycling so many Christmas leftovers, it’s a turkey curry of a lineup.
4. Tasha Ghouri
This is the sort of spicy casting we’re totally here for: Ghouri is an ex-girlfriend of jettisoned pro Giovanni Pernice. She might have followed the well-worn path from Love Island to becoming an influencer, but there’s more to her than that. As Strictly’s second deaf contestant, she is bidding to follow in the footsteps of Rose Ayling-Ellis, who scooped the glitterball in 2021 as well as a Bafta. What could work against Ghouri is her prior hoofing experience. She has had ballet training, done tap with Strictly fave Johannes Radebe and even auditioned as a dancer for the Barbie movie. Do we whiff a movie week routine to Pink by Lizzo?
3. Jamie Borthwick
Get outta my pub! There’s always an EastEnder – the shouty cockney soap is filmed next door to the Elstree ballroom, after all – and, in the absence of Danny Dyer or Wellard the dog, the honour this year goes to baby-faced Albert Square stalwart Jay Mitchell. It feels like a slight swizz, since he only took part in the Christmas special eight months ago, but he was hugely likable and triumphed with a frothy quickstep. Borthwick was paired with Nancy Xu, so expect feigned surprise if they’re reunited. Doof doof.
2. Sarah Hadland
Bear with, bear with. Comic actor Hadland is best known as Miranda’s best mate Stevie, but her impressive lol-based CV also includes Horrible Histories, That Mitchell and Webb Look and new BBC sitcom Daddy Issues. She had dance training in childhood and later appeared in West End musicals, so if she can ride out rumblings about being a ringer, she looks a potential finalist. If she doesn’t follow up her Heather Small impersonations on Miranda by dancing to Proud, we should demand a discount on our licence fee.
1. Chris McCausland
An inspired choice to help Strictly repair its reputation. The lovable Liverpudlian comic will break new ground as the first ever blind contestant. “What could possibly go wrong?” he says. “OK, don’t answer that.” Strictly is already one of the most progressive shows in primetime. McCausland’s participation is another welcome leap forward for inclusivity. His journey (pardon the J-word) should be fascinating. He’s a huge grunge and metal fan, so we can expect rocky routines like Bill Bailey’s Metallica tango. Paralympic sprinter Jason Smyth, who is registered blind, won the franchise’s Irish edition this spring. A possible omen for McCausland? Either way, he says: “I just hope the BBC can afford the insurance. I’ll take out three cameras per week.”