China swiped right. Xi observed, favourably, that Labour is “working to fix the foundations of the economy and rebuild Britain”; given longer, he might have observed that the Tories “left a £22 billion black hole” and Keir’s father was a toolmaker. The synergy between Labour spin and Chinese propaganda prompted speculation that one might be an undercover agent for the other… but which is which?
Forget “one country, two systems”. Contemplating the similarities between our socialist regimes, separated only by an angry fern, a wag suggested we call it “one system, two countries”.
“I want a serious and pragmatic relationship with China,” Starmer told Sky News; never mistake him for a romantic. He also wants the world to “double-down” on supporting Ukraine, and Joe Biden is doing his darndest to start World War Three before Donald Trump is inaugurated. But the PM’s Henry Kissinger impression is wasted. Britain does not run the free world. America does. And America is about to fall into the lap of a Republican whose proposed cabinet has the whiff of a Spectre business meeting.
Keir returned to the hotel pool to float in a rubber ring and contemplate the retreat of liberal democracy, his pale belly eclipsing the Brazilian moon. Still: one thing to look forward to. The Chinese agreed to a meeting in Beijing next year – and Keir has offered to send Rachel, on the basis that her CV describes her as “fluent in Mandarin”.
Little does he realise that by “Mandarin”, she meant “French”, and by “fluent”, she meant “un petit peu”.