GARETH SOUTHGATE was the accidental England manager who ended up as his nation’s longest-serving and most successful boss in half a century.
And so naturally, he will reach his landmark 100th match in charge as the target of intense wide-ranging criticism and social-media ridicule.
Such is the nature of “The impossible job’”. The second-most important role in the country, after the resident of 10 Downing Street.
Southgate has outlasted four prime ministers but he’s currently as unpopular as the Tories.
Not since Alf Ramsey has an England boss notched up a century of games in charge and not since Sir Alf have the Three Lions reached a major final or impressed at three consecutive tournaments.
And yet, as Southgate prepares for a Euros quarter-final against Switzerland this weekend, the vast majority of the nation have long since turned against him.
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Southgate, 53, was a minute away from humiliation and immediate resignation last Sunday, with England 1-0 down to Slovakia deep in injury time.
Had it not been for Jude Bellingham’s extraordinary bicycle-kick equaliser, Southgate would have been on his bike.
Those close to him insist he would have quit within minutes of the final whistle – as Roy Hodgson did after defeat by Iceland at Euro 2016.
But he lives to fight another day, to raise his bat for a century – not to a standing ovation but to a chorus of boos and a hail of plastic beer cups.
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England ratings: Bellingham rescues woeful Three Lions as big names, and manager, have a shocker
JUDE BELLINGHAM’S majestic overhead kick deep into stoppage time saved England from a humiliating Euros exit.
Gareth Southgate’s side had been utterly woeful and looked to be heading home thanks to Ivan Schranz’s clever finish.
But Bellingham came to the rescue in the 96th minute, brilliantly firing into the corner after Marc Guehi had flicked on Kyle Walker’s long throw.
Remarkably, it was England’s first shot on target, summing how poor they had been.
But another one came soon after, as 53 seconds into extra-time, Harry Kane headed home from close range to set up a quarter-final with Switzerland.
It was as close a shave as it comes, and if they play like this against the Swiss, then they will be toast.
Here’s how Tom Barclay rated England’s stars… and manager Southgate.
Jordan Pickford: 5
Appeared to hurt his left hand when taking a big whack in the warm-up, but still played. Fired a lot of long balls and was lucky not to be lobbed by David Strelec’s 45-yard strike.
Kyle Walker: 4
England’s second-most experienced player had a shocker. He looked uncharacteristically slow, his touch was heavy and his crossing was nowhere near good enough. But it was his long throw that led to Bellingham’s magic.
John Stones: 4
Said it was time for the senior pros to step up in the build-up to the game, but there was little sign of that until Bellingham did his thing, and he is only 21. Stones fired aimless long balls, gave it away and it was his mistake that almost led to Strelec’s trying his luck from range.
Marc Guehi: 5
Booked early after Kieran Trippier’s underhit pass meant he had to take out the excellent David Strelec, meaning he is out of the quarter-final. Ivan Schranz bamboozled him for Slovakia’s opener but his flick-on to Bellingham brought the leveller.
Kieran Trippier: 4
When Jude Bellingham’s good ball found Trippier on the edge of the box early doors, on his favoured right foot, you thought, ‘Here we go’. He smashed it into Row Z.
Declan Rice: 5
An old-school reducer on Juraj Kucka was a fair tackle, even if it left the 37-year-old hobbling. His curling effort with ten minutes to go cracked against the post.
Kobbie Mainoo: 6
FIRST start at a major tournament and our only decent performer in an horrendous first half from England. Blasted a volley over but was also booked for a late tackle.
Bukayo Saka: 5
We all know what a fantastic player Saka is for Arsenal, and for England in games gone by, but he rarely threatened here. Did go the distance though, and in a number of positions.
Jude Bellingham: 7 and STAR MAN
Cometh the hour, cometh the man. He had underwhelmed again until the 96th minute, but who cares when you step up like that.
Phil Foden: 4
Thought he had levelled early in the second half but his tap-in was ruled out by VAR after he was caught being, inexplicably, offside. Just off it all night, in danger of being dropped.
Harry Kane: 6
Still way off his best – he was nowhere to be seen in the first half and missed a free header after the break – but got it right when it counted in extra time.
SUBSTITUTIONS
Cole Palmer (on for Kieran Trippier, 66): 7
FANS were on their feet applauding when Southgate finally made a change and brought him on. So lively and with a lovely delivery, must be in with a chance of starting against the Swiss.
Eberechi Eze (on for Kobbie Mainoo, 84): 6
Did enough to put off Slovak full-back Peter Pekarik from turning home at close range in extra-time. Looked like he had been hit by a train when Denis Vavro walloped into him.
Ivan Toney (on for Phil Foden, 90): 7
GRABBED the assist for Kane’s winner by flicking on after a free-kick – which he had won with his strength – had been cleared.
Conor Gallagher (on for Harry Kane, 105): 6
Southgate rolled the dice in extra-time by trying to shut the game out, taking his captain off for the Chelsea midfielder.
Ezri Konsa (on for Jude Bellingham, 105): 6
Ditto to Gallagher as Konsa got his first minutes of the tournament in place of the hero Bellingham, which felt a risky strategy.
MANAGER
Gareth Southgate: 3.
A lucky, lucky man. Tactically, his team were all long ball, lacked any movement, and did not conjure up a shot on target until Bellingham’s wonder strike – and that came from Walker chucking it in the mixer. Subs took ages in the 90 and then felt risky as he sought to see the game out in extra-time.
During the summer of love in Russia six years ago, Southgate was the darling of the nation – for his waistcoats and his decency as much as England’s march to the World Cup semi-finals.
Back then the Twitter trend #GarethSouthgateWould was a sensation – with posts such as ‘Gareth Southgate would know which day the bins go out after a bank holiday and then let all his neighbours know just in case’.
This played into the image of a thoroughly sensible, decent and mild-mannered man who had suddenly united an angry and divided post-Brexit nation, resigned to constant failures at major tournaments.
Now, though, social media is awash with cruel memes, such as the ever-cautious Southgate sitting in the bath wearing a lifejacket or putting his phone on low battery mode when it’s 99 per cent charged.
The elements of Southgate’s personality which made him so cherished in 2018 are similar to those which now make him a figure of fun to so many.
These are attention-deficit times. Eight years is an eternity in modern football. And Southgate will never be a devil-may-care manager.
Yet remember the shambles he inherited in 2016 – that Iceland debacle swiftly followed by Sam Allardyce’s ill-fated reign, which ended after a single match and too much loose-lipped bragging after a pint of wine.
It did not take long for Southgate to restore sense, order and hope.
Russia would be the first of three feelgood campaigns, along with the last Euros – in which England reached their first final since 1966 – and the Qatar World Cup, where Southgate’s side played so positively in four matches out of five.
But England have regressed significantly during the past month – including their final warm-up defeat by Iceland at Wembley.
We have experienced too many reminders of the bad old days under Hodgson, Fabio Capello, Steve McClaren and indeed most of England’s bosses since Ramsey.
Southgate has chosen the wrong squad – the absence of a fit left-back his most glaring error – and England have been desperately poor ever since half-time of the opening 1-0 win over Serbia.
And all of the common criticisms of Southgate have surfaced – his fearfulness, his tactical naivety and his inability to make decisive and telling substitutions.
This is a man who had never played for, nor previously managed, an elite team with expectations to win every match.
The ingrained caution which came from a career at Crystal Palace and Aston Villa, then playing for and managing Middlesbrough, has never really left him.
Now blessed with England’s best crop of talent for a generation or more, Southgate’s side somehow look inhibited.
Southgate’s greatest strength has been his man-management, his ability to build a positive culture, enabling players to love playing for England.
But much of that is being lost in Germany. We are witnessing players being weighed down by the shirt and showing oversensitivity to criticism which is far more reasoned and less personal than in previous generations.
Should England lose to the Swiss in Dusseldorf – and unless they show an extreme improvement, they will lose – then Southgate will be gone.
Indeed, it is difficult to imagine the circumstances in which he would continue beyond this tournament.
If England lose this quarter-final, it will take some time for Southgate’s reputation to be restored.
A few weeks ago, he was a genuinely strong contender to take over at Manchester United.
If this weekend goes badly, he will not be getting any half-decent Premier League job any time soon.
But even if the worst happens in Dusseldorf, history will remember Southgate’s reign kindly.
We will remember him fondly, just as soon as England struggle to qualify for tournaments or are knocked out in the group stages, as they used to do.
Or when gaggles of players cry off from international duty with dodgy sicknotes and the national team is no longer a place of happy unity.
Because over 100 matches, Southgate’s positives have significantly outweighed the negatives.
And he has not reached this milestone by chance.