You might have heard that the film industry is in trouble. You might have seen how big movie after big movie has underperformed at the box office, or watched as giants such as David Lynch and Francis Ford Coppola struggle to find financing or distribution, and wondered if the glory days of cinema really are behind us.
But relax! Movies still represent a thriving marketplace, just maybe not necessarily the one you thought. In fact, if you want to see how bursting with life the movies still are, you simply need to look at all the stuff on Etsy that has film quotes on it.
No, really. A new study by the titans of cinema industry known as QR Code Reader has discovered and compiled the most profitable movie quotes of all time when applied to fan-made merchandise.
There’s no point beating around the bush here. The most lucrative fan-made merchandise movie quote is: “Bond, James Bond.” There are almost 4,000 items on Etsy bearing this quote, retailing for a whopping average of $82.47. And what a cornucopia of items they are. Can you really know in your heart that you have a full and satisfying life if there isn’t a mimosa and pineapple-scented “Bond, James Bond” California-made soy wax candle constantly burning in your living room? Or if you don’t walk around in a “Bond, James Bond” T-shirt that has gained such glowing five-star reviews as: “Overall very easy to use” and “Only issue I had was that it was very late. Which made me upset.”? And, yes, technically it might not bear the classic quote, but there is an incredible piece of wall art where every 007 from Connery to Craig has been badly Photoshopped to sit around a poker table together. Forget actual movies! This is where the money is!
Second on the list is the quote “I see you,” from Avatar. At first you might think it surprising that an incredibly forgettable line from a film nobody ever thinks about is the second most lucrative movie quote to put on fan-made merchandise, but that just shows what a dummy you are. There is a wealth of products to be found here, from birthday party invitations (“I see you: Jackson is turning 9”) to personalised Lego gift frames (“I see you: Jamie & Beckie engaged 31/12/22”). And, yes, if you search Etsy for the phrase “I see you” instead of “I see you Avatar”, you do mainly just get lyric posters from the Groove Armada song I See You Baby (“shaking that ass”) and for some reason a painting of a crow with a human eyeball in its mouth.
Other winning movie quotes that people love enough to put on stuff for money include “This is Sparta” from 300 (872 listings), “Avengers assemble” (295 listings), “Good morning, Vietnam” (152 listings) and “Wilson” from Castaway. The last one, named after Tom Hanks’s wordless volleyball friend, has inspired prints, T-shirts, badges and – for those people who have everything except a spherical pot with a bloody handprint on it that represents the crushing agony of human loneliness – a £29 planter.
But don’t worry if the movie quotes you like didn’t make the top 10, because Etsy’s near-incomprehensible jungle of tat means that there’s probably something there for you anyway. For example, do you often quote “Daddy would you like some sausage,” from the 2001 Tom Green film Freddy Got Fingered? Great! It’s available in T-shirt, sew-on patch and 20oz double-walled hot/cold tumbler. Love “Hasta la vista, baby,” from Terminator 2? Wonderful! You can get it on pencils, wall art, giant neon signs and T-shirts of leather jacket-wearing meatballs that say “Pasta la vista, baby.” Big fan of “You had me at hello” from Jerry Maguire? Fantastic! There’s a greetings card that reads “You had me at.. let’s go to Nando’s” which is close enough if you think about it.
This is the real business. Slightly shoddy online products are the next stage that the movie industry needs to evolve into. There are millions to be made here. To quote Jerry Maguire: “Show me the money!” (also available as an embroidered £50 tassel pillow).