When women are victims of abuse, whether it be sexual, violent or coercive in nature, it is vitally important that people believe them.
It can take months, sometimes years, for victims to find the courage to step forward. Often, they are battling not only their abusers, but their own emotions: feelings of guilt and confusion which stem from the slow, determined erosion of their self-belief.
They feel trapped by shame and fear. They often blame themselves and question their own sanity, even when there is clear evidence against the perpetrator. If they can’t get the support they need, they risk running straight back into the arms of their tormentors, often with tragic consequences.
The MeToo movement helped change all that. It transformed the narrative around abuse, sexual or otherwise. It gave victims a voice and made it more likely that women’s testimonies (because it is, sadly, mostly women to whom this happens) would at least be taken seriously in the first instance.
‘It has become increasingly clear during the course of the BBC’s inquiry into this sorry saga and in the light of subsequent revelations that many of the allegations against Pernice were at best misunderstandings’.
‘One thing that strikes me in particular is the way Abbington seems to have responded to Pernice with very mixed messages’. Pictured: The pair pose together for Strictly last year
It debunked the notion of the ‘hysterical’ female who ‘couldn’t take a joke’ (so often the refrain of the male predator) and, instead of belittling or blaming victims, took them seriously.
This is why, in my view, there are consequences when women abuse that privilege and, in so doing, cast doubt on the veracity of the accounts of real victims.
Reading my colleague Katie Hind’s exclusive interview with Strictly professional Giovanni Pernice, in which he details the Kafkaesque situation he found himself in with Amanda Abbington, I’m afraid I couldn’t help feeling a sense that, in some ways, that is what his dance partner seems to have done.
It has become increasingly clear during the course of the BBC’s inquiry into this sorry saga and in the light of subsequent revelations that many of the allegations against Pernice were at best misunderstandings.
In pursuing her case against him to the nth degree, she has not only potentially called into question her own credibility as a woman and a reliable witness, but also risked undermining the experiences of countless other women who, either now or at some time in the future, may find themselves in real situations of genuine abuse.
But what this case also reveals are the confusing complexities of these types of situations. One thing that strikes me in particular is the way Abbington seems to have responded to Pernice with very mixed messages. He explains that, while she seemed happy and relaxed in his presence, the impressions she was sharing with her fellow contestants were very different: much more negative.
‘I was like, “What are you talking about?”,’ he says. Here she was, saying things to him like, ‘Thank you so much for your patience today, you’re an incredible teacher’. But Amanda had told them she had ‘a horrible week’.
Was Abbington really struggling, or was she setting him up for a fall? Or was she simply confused about her own feelings in relation to their professional ‘banter’.
Was she saying one thing to his face because she was scared of him and trying to keep him on side (something that often happens in cases of abuse, and which can often undermine a woman’s testimony), or was she playing a game?
It’s hard to tell, even now, after a £250,000 BBC inquiry. Sometimes in these situations women don’t always behave rationally, especially when there’s pressure – as inevitably there is on a show like Strictly – to ‘get on’.
According to Pernice, Abbington was the one who started off the risqué banter. ‘She would say very bad things, like the c-word. She would use it.’ he says. ‘In actual fact, the production staff came to us and said, “We have noticed that you call each other that word, is it ok?”
‘And she was like, “Oh yeah it’s fine, I call him that! It’s absolutely fine, I started it”, those were her words. And I was like, “Yes guys, we are fine, we are joking like this.”’
Amanda Abbington also appeared on Lorraine to discuss the alleged incidents with Giovanni in July this year
Men are pretty straightforward creatures. They tend to take things at face value. But it’s interesting too that despite Abbington’s reassurances, Pernice felt the need to record their interactions as a way of protecting himself.
‘I knew that I had to take some action – so I asked for chaperones and cameras in the room,’ he reveals, adding: ‘I started to record myself on my phone. Obviously, we were dancing and I wanted to see the video back but, at the same time, I did it to protect myself. I told the production team I was doing it because I didn’t feel comfortable in the room, I didn’t feel safe.
‘At that point, I didn’t think she was going to accuse me of anything – but she was saying one thing to me and something else to others on the WhatsApp group. She was telling two different versions of the story.’
I suspect that the truth of it is that Abbington was far more vulnerable that even she herself realised going into Strictly. Perhaps she thought she had the strength to take on the challenge but, when push came to shove, she just didn’t.
Watching her interviewed, one gets the sense that there is something more at play. Perhaps she was simply not in a very good place and Pernice just happened to be in the way.
‘The BBC did the right thing in conducting its investigation and it should do the right thing now by offering Pernice his job back’. Pictured: Giovanni and Amanda dancing on the BBC show last year
Whatever the truth of it, allegations are a serious business. Quite apart from the trauma they create, they can destroy a person’s entire life and career, as Pernice knows only too well. We live in a world where everyone is guilty until proven innocent – and even then they don’t necessarily get the forgiveness they deserve.
The BBC did the right thing in conducting its investigation and it should do the right thing now by offering Pernice his job back. But, at the end of the day, it would have been so much better if none of this had got this far in the first place.
The world is full of abused women whose lives are made a misery by their tormentors. Unless some radical evidence emerges that we have not yet seen, we shall have to conclude that Amanda Abbington, I’m afraid, is not one of them.