It’s a drizzly Monday afternoon in Brighton and I’m lying on the floor of my flat, naked from the waist down with one leg up against the wall, while a bearded man in his thirties whom I have never met issues instructions at me, via Zoom, from 5,000 miles away.
First, he tells me to “stab” myself in the upper thigh with the business end of a large blue vibrator, then repeat the action on my other thigh, then my rib cage on either side, then my jaw. Eventually, he directs me to apply it to the more traditional, time-honoured region, watching me closely as his directions — and the large blue vibrator — audibly achieve the intended result. I am grateful that my positioning