I’m a diagnosed narcissist – these are the ‘toxic’ phrases I use to manipulate my significant other

Narcissists have an arsenal of ‘toxic’ phrases they use to convince their significant others that they are the problem.

Now a man diagnosed with a personality disorder, which involves excessive focus on oneself and one’s needs, has shared the expressions that he has used in the past.

Steven Ingram, who is a ‘self-aware narcissist,’ revealed his secret tactics in hopes of saving others from being manipulated.

Ingram’s go-to phrase to push blame is ‘Why are you always starting conflicts with me’ and another is ‘Why do you wear your heart on your sleeve?’

Ingram revealed the phrases in a TikTok video, which has more than 46,000 likes, on his account where states he was also diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD).

BPD is a mental illness that affects a person’s ability to manage their emotions, leading to instability in their relationships, self-image and mood.

Narcissism is usually diagnosed after the individual answers questions about their life and interactions with others.

These questions, administered by a healthcare professional, ask the person if they believe others are envious of them, if they feel more beautiful than others and if they perceive themselves to be worth more that others. 

‘As a self-aware narcissist, I have used every single one of these phrases and I can guarantee you that all the toxic partners I have had, and I’ve had a lot, have used these exact same phrases,’ said Ingram.

The tactic is known as blame-shifting and is a way for the narcissist to take control of their partner, which is seen in abusive relationships.

The first phrase he said in the video was, ‘You sure do like to argue, why are you always starting conflicts with me? Why?’

Ingram continued to explain that narcissists use that phrase when their significant other brings up a past event that may have hurt them, allowing them to push the blame.

Another is he has asked his partner why they are always overreacting, which is used to invalidate the person’s emotions and reactions to the narcissist’s behavior.

‘Why do you have to wear your heart on your sleeve,’ Ingram continued, noting it falls under the same response to make his partner feel they are being too sensitive.

One phrase he has used is, ‘This conversation is over, I am leaving,’ which is the way a narcissist can dodge your concerns, leaving you to think you did something wrong to cause a fight.

Psychologists have noted that walking away from an argument in an effort to avoid addressing problems or formulating conflict resolutions.

That is because narcissists are usually reluctant to accept their faults. 

‘You are crazy’ was another tactic Ingram has used.

Psychotherapist Anna Drescher wrote in Simply Psychology: ‘This implies you do not have the mental capacity or stability to understand or make proper judgments, leaving you to question yourself.’

By saying ‘you are crazy,’ a narcissists makes their partner feel vulnerable and is able to gain power over the conversation.

The last phrase Ingram has deployed to manipulate his partner is: ‘I don’t even know why I am still in this relationship with you, you don’t appreciate [anything] that I do for you. And it is a lot.’

‘They aim to make the person feel dependent and less significant by positioning themselves as superior or indispensable,’ Drescher wrote.

Other therapists have suggested that the last phrase shared by Ingram is a narcissist’s way of expressing hurt and anger that their partner is not giving them the level of adoration they wished for. 

Many of these tactics fall under gaslighting, which is a manipulative tactic used to make someone question their own perception of reality, memory, or sanity in order to undermine them.

‘The goal of gaslighting is to make someone question their own perceptions, memories, or judgments, usually through persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, or lying,’ hared Drescher.