Since I first saw the headlines about Edwards, I have thought of little else but those children, one of whom is said to be seven to nine years old.
I have seen some people try to defend him by saying he did not ask for the images to be sent to him (why, then, did he not immediately contact the police?).
I understand how incomprehensible it is to those who know someone accused of something as heinous as child abuse, who may rather excuse it, because they cannot believe otherwise.
But this is what is so damaging to children – when what is done to them is belittled, dismissed or denied. We now understand that trauma happens not only in the moment, but in how other adults around us respond in the aftermath. If they do nothing, it is the child who is left carrying the grave weight of the shock. When we can offer trauma-informed care, we know there is great hope for healing.
We are complicit if we refuse to acknowledge the reality of what has actually happened.
We are also complicit if we do not call for sentencing to be changed, to reflect what so often creates a devastating legacy, a lifelong imprisonment, for those who are the victims of childhood sexual abuse.
A defence lawyer friend tells me Edwards is likely to be spared jail. I leave sentencing for the judge to decide. But what message does it send to victims if the adults complicit in the sharing of your pain are not held to account?
What of their life sentence? Child sexual abuse all too often creates a legacy for the victims of addiction, self-harm, an inability to form healthy loving relationships, trust issues, disordered and dysregulated thinking, and, too often, suicide. This is what happens to a child when they have their innocence stolen from them and surely this is what sentencing should reflect.
Shame often becomes the baggage so often carried by the child. Young children are not cognitively or emotionally equipped to make sense of what is happening to them, their brain development is not yet at the stage where their “thinking”, rational brain can give adequate meaning or understanding to what has happened. Even as adults, how many of us can?
So children are left with horrendous confusion, grave terror, pain, shock, betrayal, a huge, enormous overpowering and overwhelming sense that something wrong has happened, and ultimately they may conclude, there is something wrong with them.
As a therapist, I understand that some of these men (and there are women abusers too) may well have been victims of abuse themselves as children. Sadly this is yet another dark aspect of abuse. Yet, as adults we must be accountable for our actions, and committed to stopping this terrible cycle, not playing a part in perpetuating it.
Since disclosing my own experience, I have received an overwhelming number of messages from people who have reached out to me on social media sharing their stories too, many for the first time. Many are now in their sixties and seventies. The shame, they told me, has been carried like a dark evil secret within, influencing their behaviour and decision-making for their entire lives.
When I spoke to Julia Samuel, I did so to explain not the specifics of my experience but rather the impact and the legacy of child sexual abuse. I also explained how I had come through, how I have healed, and how much stronger I am today than anything done to me when I was unable to say no. I share my story to offer hope now to anyone who may feel so triggered by the stories this week. You are not alone.
If you have been the victim of sexual abuse as a child, I see you and I stand with you alongside. I want you to know that in taking the brave step of reaching out for support, we can come through. And remember, the shame is not, and never was, ours.
You can find help at: nspcc.org.uk; oneinfour.org.uk; barnardos.org.uk; beaconhouse.org.uk