WITH a beautiful wife, an adorable new baby and a UK tour in the pipeline, Olly Murs is certainly living his best life.
But there is one aspect of fatherhood he had not predicted — the challenge of becoming a “girl dad”.
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“Parenting is amazing, but it’s tough,” says Olly, who has a five-month-old daughter, Madison.
“I found the most overwhelming thing was having a girl.
“That was like . . . whoa. I don’t know how to be a woman, I don’t know their emotions.
“There will be things she’ll go through that I never went through. Even now, thinking about navigating her future is scary.
“I know how tough a boy needs to be because I’ve been there. I knew the type of parent I’d be with a boy. There would be a certain discipline. But having a girl has changed that.
“I didn’t mind what I had, but when Madison came out, and she was a girl, it was like, ‘Oh, this is weird.’
“Now I’m getting my head around it, but being a father of a girl has different challenges.”
Two days after Madison was born in April, the pop star headed off on tour with Take That.
‘Felt extremely guilty’
While wife Amelia’s mum stepped in to help, texting Olly with daily updates on mummy and baby’s progress, the star admits missing out on those precious early moments was difficult.
And that’s when the dad guilt — an emotion one in five fathers say they experience — really kicked in.
“We had everything in place but it was a struggle,” says Olly.
“I felt extremely guilty for leaving Amelia with the baby.
“But she was understanding and we rolled with it. We got through it and we’re absolutely fine now.
“Amelia was incredibly supportive of me being away because the job I do means I can’t take paternity leave — it’s not a nine to five. It’s something Amelia and I are only just coming to terms with.
“That was the hardest part of fatherhood so far for me — leaving Madison. I felt like I wasn’t actually present. I felt I didn’t have a connection with her and she was like, ‘Who’s this guy?’
“I feel guilty most days. In those first few months, most men probably feel a bit like they’re on the fence.
“You’re kind of there but you’re not and you’re trying to navigate around your wife too, making sure she’s OK.
“My job is what it is, though, and I do it for my family. But even doing this interview right now, I feel guilty that I’m not home with the girls.”
Now he’s got more time to focus on his young family, Olly is doing everything he can to be a hands-on dad.
“I’m at the stage where I’m supporting Amelia,” he says.
“If she needs me to watch the baby for a bit, or pop down the shops, or make a high chair, that’s my job right now. I’ll do whatever she wants. I’m the bystander.”
When Amelia needs me to watch Madison, or change a nappy, I’m right there
Olly
But Olly, 40, is aware that his good intentions aren’t always well-received.
The singer admits that Amelia, a bodybuilder who he married in July last year, can get fed up with his constant questions.
He says: “When Amelia needs me to watch Madison, or change a nappy, I’m right there.
“But she does say to me, ‘Olly, if you ask me again when the last feed was, I’m gonna kick you in the face because you’ve asked me eight times already.’
“I can’t help it. As a dad, I’m just kind of . . . there. But I’m not useless. Just tell me what to do. Give me a job and I’ll do it.”
Speaking with Olly, who’ll be heading out on tour next April, it is obvious fatherhood has been a big shift for him.
But witnessing Amelia, 32, go through a whole range of emotions as a new mum has also been an eye-opener for him.
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He says: “Sometimes Amelia would be randomly crying and she didn’t know why. And I think we had such a weird circumstance, with me being on tour, so those early days were tough.
“But she is the most incredible mum. I always knew she would be. That’s why I married her.”
Another challenge is dealing with over-attentive fans when he’s trying to spend quality time with his little girl.
Olly tells us he has to miss “the fun stuff”, like swimming lessons and sensory classes, as fans want to take pictures and talk to him.
Rather than be rude and tell them to leave him alone, he has learned it is easier not to attend.
Olly says: “I don’t want to take away from Madison learning something because other people want photos with me, or people want to say hello.
“And I feel guilty about that, but it’s part and parcel of my job.
“I will always be polite to my fans, but being a dad takes it to a whole other level.”
Intrusion from fans has put normally mild-mannered Olly in an awkward position and it is clearly something that frustrates him.
“There’s been a couple of occasions when we’ve been out and it felt awkward,” he admits.
Our sex life hasn’t been affected at all, and I’m not lying when I say that
Olly
“People can get a bit in our faces when we’re with the baby. They don’t take photos or anything and most people are friendly, but you go into dad mode.
“I’m not on stage. I’m not a pop star right now. I’m being a dad and looking after my daughter and it isn’t the time or place. But I can’t choose when or where people can come and say hello to me.
Loved-up pair
“Ultimately, I have to accept that people come up when they want. It’s part of the job. But it can be crap.”
Being with his family means everything to Olly, who is more loved-up than ever with his stunning wife.
When the subject of sex and intimacy post-baby comes up, Olly gets a cheeky glint in his eye.
“Our sex life hasn’t been affected at all, and I’m not lying when I say that,” he says.
“But it never really changed for us — we’ve always been good in that respect.
“It’s just finding the time around the baby. When I’m not picking up nappies or feeding, I’m asking her: ‘When are we getting a bit of that in?’”
Speaking of nappies, Olly’s now getting stuck into his role as ambassador for Pampers, telling us their premium protection nappies have been a godsend as Madison suffers with nappy rash.
“It’s been a big thing for us,” he says.
“Madi has really struggled with it over the summer period because of the heat, so they’ve been so helpful.
“I still laugh when I think about my life now. Going down to the shops to get Pampers . . . it’s a big change.”
- Try new Pampers Premium Protection nappies by downloading the Pampers Club app for a £6 off coupon. See pampers.co.uk/products/pampers-premium-protection-nappies. T&Cs apply.
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