Ethan Slater’s ex-wife, clinical psychologist Dr. Lilly Jay, has opened up about her divorce from the Wicked star.
Dr. Jay, who works as a psychologist specializing in women’s mental health, reflected on her highly-publicized divorce from the Broadway actor in a lengthy essay published in The Cut on (Thursday) December 19. Slater, who stars as Boq in the blockbuster movie musical adaptation, is now in a relationship with co-star Ariana Grande.
“No one gets married thinking they’ll get divorced, in the same way we don’t board a plane expecting to crash. But I really never thought I would get divorced. Especially not just after giving birth to my first child and especially not in the shadow of my husband’s new relationship with a celebrity,” she began the essay.
The mother of one explained how her profession allots for a widely understood amount of privacy. These days, however, Dr. Jay said she “deeply misses the life of invisibility I created for myself” before it was revealed in July 2023 that her estranged husband was in a relationship with the Grammy-winning pop star.
“As a therapist, part of what I could offer my patients was the experience of being in relation with someone else without the complexities of a personal relationship. I was never meant to be fully known to them,” she wrote.
“I loved my life working in a helping profession and being immersed in the details of other people’s stories rather than documenting my own narrative for public consumption.”
Despite her own private life, Dr. Jay admitted that Slater — whom she described as her “high school sweetheart” — was “on a different path, in which social media and exposure were not impediments but rather necessities.”
“It was a tenuous balance — my profession, which requires privacy, and his, which is measured in applause — but it worked well while life was unfolding according to our plans,” she said.
Dr. Jay detailed how she and Slater moved to London, England — where Wicked was in production — with their then two-month-old son, writing: “Consumed by the magic and mundanity of new motherhood, I didn’t understand the growing distance between us.”
Amid “the sudden public downfall” of her marriage to the Tony-winning actor, the psychologist recalled reassuring herself that she had “nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to hide.” Still, it didn’t help that promotion for Wicked was practically inescapable, and another installment is set for release in November 2025.
“While our partnership has changed, our parenthood has not. Both of us fiercely love our son 100 percent of the time, regardless of how our parenting time is divided,” Dr. Jay said. “As for me, days with my son are sunny. Days when I can’t escape the promotion of a movie associated with the saddest days of my life are darker.”
The psychologist admitted to experiencing postpartum depression while living in London with Slater. She also claimed that tabloids had painted her as the “voiceless ex-wife” in news about their split, and suggested that her “career has been impacted by what’s out there online.”
Dr. Jay concluded the essay by issuing an apology to her patients, saying that she’s “sorry I can’t be invisible anymore.”
“I can say with both personal and professional authority, you are so much stronger than you assume. Some of what you loved most about your partner was actually your own goodness reflected back to you; it’s yours to keep and carry forward,” she said.
In July last year, it was reported that Grande was in a relationship with Slater following her own separation from her husband of two years, Dalton Gomez. According to People, the Broadway actor also separated from his wife before his relationship with Grande began.
That month, Slater filed for divorce from Jay after four years of marriage. She later broke her silence in an interview with Page Six, as she referred to the “7 Rings” singer as “not a girl’s girl.”
“[Ariana’s] the story really. Not a girl’s girl,” Dr. Jay told the outlet. “My family is just collateral damage.”