Do you find it hard to fall for someone? You could be demisexual

Does everyone else seem to be moving fast in their relationships? Do you ever find yourself becoming attracted to your friends?

This is a feeling N-Dubz’s Tulisa shared in her latest appearance on I’m A Celebrity, confessing to the camp that she was demisexual.

This is when you only develop sexual and romantic feelings for another person after you’ve formed a strong emotional connection with them.

As a demisexual, you’re someone who requires an emotional connection in order to feel a sexual attraction. You also likely don’t really get attached to someone unless there’s a far deeper level of emotion involved. This can apply to anyone regardless of their gender identity or sexual orientation.

In the digital age where so many of our interactions are surface level it can be easy to think that maybe you aren’t trying hard enough to get emotionally invested. But that may not be the case.

Tulisa explained to her camp mates: ‘I feel like I’m demisexual, I need to have a really close emotional bond with someone. I need actual depth. I’m a slow, slow burner, I’ve been celibate for over three years.

‘I’m not an overly sexualised person. For me, it’s all about the connection and the emotions that I feel with someone and then wanting to express them in that way.’

So how can you identify if you’re a demisexual? Dating and Relationship coach Kate Mansfield told Metro.co.uk some key markers.

Kate said: ‘If you take time to get connected in relationships, and like to take it slowly, then you might be demisexual, but it doesn’t mean that you don’t like physical affection.

‘Demisexual people generally enjoy cuddling, hugging, and having sex most when they are also romantically interested in someone.’

But forming that deeper connection can be tricky, so if you feel at a bit of a loss there are things you can do to help yourself.

‘Talk openly about your feelings, be willing to get vulnerable,’ said Kate.

‘This creates a lot of emotional connection. Ultimately, this will enhance the chemistry and create a lot more heat between you. Openness is sexy.’

She added: ‘I think everyone should open themselves up much sooner than most of us do. When we take the risk of being authentic we give the relationship a much better chance of working out in the long run.’

Being a demisexual may mean you like to take things slower in a possible dating scenario and you are completely entitled to do so. Regardless of what other people think.

Don’t let yourself feel pressured into allowing things to move quicker. In an age of sex on first dates it can be good to take a step back sometimes.

Kate said: ‘Other people may find your behaviour unusual, old fashioned even. But don’t let it put you off.

‘Never try to be someone else, taking it slowly is a good thing and will always be better for the relationship in the end.’

Kate say that being demisexual can really help to form a positive relationship with good foundations.

‘Being “demisexual” to me is just another way of creating a healthy relationship, one that encompasses a good balance of emotional and sexual or physical compatibility,’ said Kate.

‘It is definitely something that we can and should all try to cultivate.’

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.

MORE: How to tell if they actually mean it when they say ‘let’s do this again’ – and other common dating lies

MORE: From mirror dating to eco-fishing: Four dating trends to watch out for in 2023

MORE: The Hero Effect: What is it and why should you use it in your dating life