As we ease ourselves, bloated and corpulent, from the sofa, the urge to self-flagellate over our prodigious prosecco and pork pie consumption can be strong.
It might be the start of a shiny new year, but a shiny new you can feel like a distant and unachievable prospect. Waistbands? You don’t know them. And frankly, if they’re not capacious and elasticated, nor do you want to.
Such sentiments are felt from Hawick to Horsham. But not in Hollywood – that mystical realm where post-Christmas hate-fests don’t exist, largely because every actress is duty-bound to remain as glossy, slender and impossibly perfect as the fairy on their tree.
While the rest of us were struggling to button up our shirts, the great and good of Hollywood were taking to the red carpet in the most unforgiving of gowns for the 82nd annual Golden Globe Awards, like Christmas never happened.
Which, judging by the evidence, it didn’t seem to for them. Maybe they all spent it in a spa, being cryogenically frozen, their bodies carved and honed by angels and their faces lifted and injected with the plasma of 1,000 grass-fed baby unicorns. Or whatever they do nowadays.
There can surely be no other way to explain the extraordinary – even by Hollywood standards – appearance of Demi Moore, who looked radiant as she accepted the first acting award of her 45-year career for her leading role in The Substance, which, ironically, is about our obsession with ageing.
It certainly seemed to be a case of life imitating art for Moore, who at 62, appears to be ageing backwards.
Her skin looked dewier and more luminous than ever, her body lithe and toned in a strapless gold Armani Prive gown.
With her dewy skin and toned figure, actress Demi Moore (pictured), 62, appears to be ageing backwards
But Moore was merely one of many older women who stole the show at this year’s Globes, and who proved that 50 isn’t merely ‘the new 40’, but the best and most beautiful time of your life.
Also showing the ‘youngers’ how it’s done: Nicole Kidman, 57, resplendent in a backless silver Balenciaga gown that many women a quarter of her age would have balked at wearing.
The back is a notoriously obstinate mistress, but Kidman hasn’t remained at the highest echelons of Hollywood without learning a thing or two about iron willpower, gruelling exercise regimes and never letting your skin see the sun.
While some middle-aged stars wore their sculpted bodies like a badge of honour (and why not – they’ve worked hard for them), others let their clothes make the statement.
Proving their fashion choices have only become bolder and more experimental with age were Cate Blanchett, 55, Viola Davis, 59, and Naomi Watts, 56, all of whom shone in avant garde designs.
Blanchett chose a burnished gold column dress with beaded shoulder detail by Louis Vuitton, while Watts opted for a strapless black velvet gown with a pale pink fishtail train by Schiaparelli.
Nicole Kidman (pictured), 57, was resplendent in a backless silver Balenciaga gown at the awards
Tilda Swinton (pictured), 64, wore an outfit by Chanel, for which she is a brand ambassador on Sunday
Davis re-wore a favourite black sequin Gucci gown, adding a rainbow embellishment to the cape sleeves to update the look.
As most midlifers will attest, one of the many privileges of ageing is you begin to care less what people think, and dress for yourself rather than for approval.
It’s why Davis eschewed Hollywood convention by rejecting the pressure to wear a new gown, and why Pamela Anderson, 57, eschewed convention yet more by shunning the services of a stylist in favour of choosing her own dress, as well as doing her own hair and make-up.
‘No stylist, no glam team, just me,’ she said sweetly when asked about her black Oscar de la Renta gown and matching opera gloves. She also stuck to her favoured look of minimal make-up, wearing little more than a slick of Vaseline.
Traditionally, fashion and film were two merciless worlds where women weren’t really allowed to age. And while it’s true that looking at the youthful faces and ultra-slender bodies of Moore and Kidman might lead critics to opine that little has changed, there is still some cause for optimism.
It might have taken the fashion industry an unfeasibly long time to wake up to the fact that its core customer is the affluent older women with money to spend, but now that it has, it’s courting midlifers with unprecedented fervour.
Kidman is a brand ambassador for Balenciaga, Anderson is one for Stella McCartney and Michelle Yeoh scored her first ever brand ambassadorships, for Balenciaga and Bottega Veneta, aged 62. (She chose Balenciaga on Sunday night.)
Blanchett, meanwhile, has a longstanding relationship with Armani Prive, while Tilda Swinton, 64, has a similar relationship with Chanel, whose designs she wore on Sunday.
Cate Blanchett (pictured), 55, chose a burnished gold column dress with beaded shoulder detail by Louis Vuitton
Viola Davis (pictured), 59, re-wore a black sequin Gucci gown, adding a rainbow embellishment to the cape sleeves to update the look
Pamela Anderson (pictured), 57, wore a black Oscar de la Renta gown and matching opera gloves
Positive and uplifting as it is to see so many older women finally enjoying the recognition they rightly deserve, those prone to self-criticism would do well to remind themselves that this is Hollywood, and that they’ve likely had a lot of help.
Moore didn’t just wake up like this: she’s rumoured to have undergone £250,000 worth of surgery, including having breast implants and her nose straightened, according to widespread reports circulated in the early 2000s.
While Moore shut down the reports as nothing more than speculation, insisting in 2007 that she had ‘never’ had any cosmetic surgery, plastic surgeon Dr Mark Solomos, of Channel 4’s 10 Years Younger, maintains she started having surgery at a relatively young age, and has since kept up her youthful appearance with minor interventions.
It’s been speculated that Heidi Klum, 51, meanwhile, has cosmetic surgery as she also seems to be ageing in reverse.
Both women deny having had any such procedures, and whether they have or haven’t is nobody’s business but their own. We all do what we can to look our best.
But while we should reserve judgement, even more importantly, we should also resist comparison. There is no point in starting the year fretting because you don’t have the same firm jawline as Moore. Look on the bright side: nor do you have the baggage.
For who could have failed to be moved by Moore’s heartfelt acceptance speech? The Substance is a film about Hollywood’s impossibly high standards of beauty, and how women are cast aside and made to feel worthless and invisible as they age.
It’s a prejudice that Moore, like many other fifty, sixty and seventy something actresses, has felt throughout her entire career.
Naomi Watts (pictured), 56, opted for a strapless black velvet gown with a pale pink fishtail train by Schiaparelli
Heidi Klum (pictured), 51, looked youthful as ever in a strapless green dress with a train and cut-outs
With an award under her belt, Moore clearly felt confident enough to address the elephant in the room, and made a plea for Hollywood to address the double standards that allow men to age – and earn – gracefully while their female contemporaries are cast aside.
‘I’ll just leave you with one thing that this movie [Substance] is imparting,’ she said. ‘In those moments when we don’t think we’re smart enough, or pretty enough, or skinny enough, or successful enough, or basically just not enough, I had a woman say to me: “Just know, you will never be enough – but you can know the value of your worth if you just put down the measuring stick.”’
Women, it’s time to put down the measuring stick. Particularly if your measuring stick is a millionaire Hollywood actress with a plastic surgeon, personal trainer and private physician on speed dial.
Admire by all means, but don’t compare. For comparison is the thief of joy – and never more so than during January.