Bereaved men opening up at ‘Grieving Pint’ sessions

When 18-year-old Ben Mason suddenly lost his mum to a brain aneurysm in February 2022, he struggled to find an outlet to comfortably talk about his feelings. After failing to connect with talking therapy, the university student decided to turn his grief into something positive and created a community interest company where men like him could talk freely.

“I knew it was a good idea and I knew it was an idea which wasn’t being done, but I wasn’t really expecting it to go as well as it has,” Ben said.

Now 20, he said he was “initially quite reluctant to talk” about his grief, given how infrequently mental health was discussed by those around him.

“When I returned to uni, I realised there was quite a lot of pressure for people to speak about their mental health.

“I caved into the peer pressure of trying to speak to someone, but just found it very lethargic.”

Ben, from Richmond, Surrey, felt that the traditional therapy route came with “lots of barriers”, such as long waiting lists and inconsistent counsellors.

Ben’s obvious pain also impacted those around him.

His childhood friend, Manny Langton, said: “When Ben went through what he went through, I felt it was difficult to ask about his feelings.

“I really struggled with being able to speak openly about a trauma which was so big in his life.

“I always felt like I should’ve done more, but I didn’t want to overstep.”

Nine months after his mum’s death, Ben began exploring the idea of creating a space for men to promote positive conversations about mental health, and together with a friend, created The Grieving Pint.

The initiative began running in March 2023, offering fellow male students at the University of Bristol an opportunity to talk about their mental health struggles in a relaxed setting over a pint.

With the tagline “talking today to save tomorrow”, the community interest company aims to change how young men view themselves, their mental health, and those around them.

It was designed to start conversations by providing men with the confidence and space to open up, with the intention of ending the “silent struggle” which many face.

Sessions began at pubs in Bristol, before expanding to Bath, Exeter and Swansea.

Alcohol is optional at the sessions, and the organisers say they encourage responsible drinking.

Manny, who studies at the University of Bath, joined the team in September.

“If we can target men within the situations where they don’t feel pressured to feel okay and don’t have to feel like they have that guard up, that’s where we really want to focus.

“That’s where we’ve seen our great success, where men feel like they’re able to open up over a pint with a friend,” he said.

“Life is difficult. There’s going to be stresses, but the added stress of looking okay and feeling okay when in reality you’re not – that’s what we’re trying to change.”

Ben said: “It’s a really nice feeling that I’ve done something positive and am helping those around me, especially helping people similar to myself.

“It’s had a much wider impact than what I thought.

“It’s hard to measure the success sometimes, and I forget that it is something that I founded and it’s gone well.

“Sometimes I don’t realise that as much as I maybe should.”

A year on, the initiative has enabled the team to attend conferences about men’s mental health, as well as working with an independent filmmaker to create a promotional film, and a charity collaboration with a brewery.

Ben said: “It’s been hugely successful and it’s really good to see that in such a short space of time.”

As he prepares to start the next chapter of his life in Australia, Manny will continue running The Grieving Pint.

“The most difficult part men face is admitting that they need help,” Manny said.

He added that the stigma surrounding men’s mental health is “the biggest barrier”.

“It’s the main focus of what we’re trying to change.

“We’re in the business of giving men the confidence to speak openly about their mental health, giving them the space and the tools to do that in such a way that it breaks those stigmas.

“There’s stigmas in every place – not necessarily just within friendship groups or workplaces – it’s present throughout our society and our aim is to break it down step-by-step.”

Ben added: “I don’t think mental health is spoken about as much as it should be.

“When guys do speak about it, I think there’s a lot of reticence, reassuring themselves in conversation about what they’re saying.

“They try and downplay it. Lots of guys hide what they’re going through and what they’re feeling.”

According to the charity Mental Health, suicide is the leading cause of death for men under 50 in the UK, and only 36% of referrals to the NHS for psychological help come from men.

“Men are less likely to seek help for their mental health,” the charity said.

In the future, Ben hopes to target a wider audience and explore more ways to “get men’s mental health at the fingertips of those who need it”.

“If we can help in any way, we will,” he said.