“If I am out in public, feeding the kids, people look at me like I’m a returning war hero,” says George Lewis, comedian and author of DON’T PANIC!: All the Stuff the Expectant Dad Needs to Know. “It’s unfair – I’m just doing what my wife does every day – but it’s very hard not to enjoy.”
In fact, Lewis does a lot of the cooking at home: not all of it, and not happily (“every time it gets to teatime I’m caught by surprise by the fact I have to do it all over again”) but he does far more than his father or stepfather did. He is part of what anthropologist Anna Machin has dubbed “the era of involved fatherhood”, where dads are more hands-on. Attitudes have changed, and more dads than ever are doing domestic labour and childcare. Chefs like Marco Pierre White and Jamie Oliver have made cooking cool – even sexy.
Nevertheless, the stereotypes persist, as the existence of “when your dad cooks” posts on TikTok will tell you. “I call this ‘Dad made dinner’,” says one eye-rolling user, clearly unimpressed with the hastily compiled meal in front of her. “I want to say [these stereotypes are] terrible and we should end them, because we should, but they work well for us because they set such a low bar,” says Lewis. Journalist Ed Cumming agrees. The father of two does all the cooking. “It’s fun showing off, or doing the barbecue. What is not fun is coming home at 6pm via Tesco. It’s boring. Dads need to do more of the stuff that’s boring.”
They do – but that doesn’t necessarily mean cooking, says Richard Reeves, author of Of Boys And Men: Why the Modern Male is Struggling, Why it Matters, and What to Do About it. A journalist, research fellow and father of three sons, Reeves has devoted much of his career to the state of modern manhood – and he doesn’t cook; he cleans. He washes pots and stacks the dishwasher because “my wife is better at cooking steak and I am better at optimising the stack”, he says.
A recent survey commissioned by The Grocer showed that the grill is overseen by men 63 per cent of the time while 66 per cent of the salads are prepared by women – but Reeves fears we risk losing sight of the strides we’ve made in gender equality every time it emerges some men prefer barbecuing. What matters is that “the overall division of labour is equal, and people aren’t trapped by their roles”.
“We have got to the position where we actually can choose and some men will choose female typical things and vice versa,” he says. “Specialism is good, and if my wife, leader of a huge corporate, wants to make salad, that doesn’t mean feminism has come to a halt – so long as I wash up afterwards.”
So, which type of cook below aligns with the dad in your life?