Spider-Man Tom Holland was never going to have much difficulty scaling the walls of the Capulets¿ villa in Verona to reach Juliet¿s balcony in Shakespeare¿s love story.
But in the event, Jamie Lloyd¿s daringly dirgeful production, which opened in the West End last night, only requires him to reach the giddy heights of a microphone stand.
Yes, this new production of Romeo & Juliet is a typical example of Lloyd celebrity minimalism ¿ following in the footsteps of James McAvoy in Cyrano and Nicole Scherzinger in Sunset Boulevard.
As usual, that means a run on mics in the capital for a production that is whispered ¿ and sometimes merely breathed ¿ into the amplification system.
As usual, that means a run on mics in the capital for a production that is whispered ¿ and sometimes merely breathed ¿ into the amplification system
Gone is the sunshine of fair Verona, where Shakespeare lays his scene.
Instead, we get the Stygian darkness of Soutra Gilmour¿s stage design ¿ empty but for lighting rigs and a giant cinematic billboard relaying close-ups of the action as cameramen track actors on stage, and around the building itself (Romeo¿s banishment to Mantua takes him up on to the roof).
The play is famously preoccupied with death and Lloyd makes the most of that, with a cast dressed in black jeans, T-shirts and hoodies. It¿s monotone, monochrome and mannered. If you took the production¿s pulse, you might be tempted to call a priest.
Sometimes, it even feels as if Lloyd is deliberately trying to throttle the life out of the febrile passion that normally drives this headlong love story. And yet, cometh the hour, cometh the (Spider) man… all 5ft 8ins of him.
Damn, he¿s a buff and good-looking bloke. His commanding cheekbones and curving jaw suck the breath from the audience and keep us wrapped in his dreamy gaze.
Instead, we get the Stygian darkness of Soutra Gilmour¿s stage design ¿ empty but for lighting rigs and a giant cinematic billboard relaying close-ups of the action as cameramen track actors on stage, and around the building itself (Romeo¿s banishment to Mantua takes him up on to the roof)
It¿s monotone, monochrome and mannered. If you took the production¿s pulse, you might be tempted to call a priest
Sometimes, it even feels as if Lloyd is deliberately trying to throttle the life out of the febrile passion that normally drives this headlong love story. Pictured: Daniel Quinn-Toye stars as Paris
Nima Taleghani (pictured) stars as Benvolio
I missed the colour of the masked ball where Romeo and Juliet meet, and the drama of the sword fight when Romeo calamitously kills Juliet¿s cousin Tybalt
After meeting Juliet he does a jig like a footballer celebrating a goal, but otherwise moves with the precision of a cat. And although it¿s stillness he does best, the shy smiles he scatters on his beloved are ¿ in Hollywood terms ¿ worth a million dollars. In the circumstances, Francesca Amewudah-Rivers holds up well as Juliet.
Lloyd discourages her from showing too much personality or independent spirit (as he does everyone), yet she has a quiet maturity that sits easily with the poetry.
Likewise, Michael Balogun as Friar Lawrence imposes gravitas and good sense on the not so rash young lovers. The one surprise is Freema Agyeman as Juliet¿s youthful Nurse.
Normally ample, ageing and garrulous, Nurse is here a 30-something party girl with attitude. Much of her wittering in the Bard¿s original is cut, and instead she gets lines from Juliet¿s mother, who is controversially ditched altogether.
I missed the colour of the masked ball where Romeo and Juliet meet, and the drama of the sword fight when Romeo calamitously kills Juliet¿s cousin Tybalt.
But we may not get a chance to see Holland live on stage again if Hollywood has its way ¿ so happy are they who have a ticket already for this curious but nearly sold-out requiem. And even happier they who can afford £275 a pop
Pictured: Tom Holland as Romeo
Freema Agyeman (pictured) stars as nurse