DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband, who is 31, and I, at 29, tied the knot just two months ago. In this short time, he has resigned from two jobs and is now onto his third position. Despite the recent job change, he is already expressing complaints about the workload and seems to prefer procrastinating rather than tackling tasks head-on.
I’m unsure of how to address this recurring pattern and support him effectively. The constant job changes and stress-related complaints are beginning to take a strain on me and our financial resources. I do not want to sound too pushy, but I’m worried about the coming months if this pattern continues. — Husband on the Job Hunt
DEAR HUSBAND ON THE JOB HUNT: Step back for a moment. What was your husband’s work life like before you got married? Did he have a steady job? Was he grounded in his work? How did he spend his time during the day? Then think about what has happened since you got married. What has changed? Talk to your husband about his situation, and ask him what’s going on. Gently probe to find out what started this pattern of quitting and restlessness. Talk to him about your plans as a family, and get a sense from him of what he wants long-term. If the two of you have discussed this in the past, remind him of your shared ideas, and talk about how you can get back on track.
Be serious when you talk to him. Let your husband know how disturbing his erratic work behavior has become and how it is impacting your household finances. If he shuts down when you attempt to talk to him, revisit the conversation again later. This is too important to ignore. You have to figure out a way forward that involves clear communication between the two of you about your life together and your future.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have developed feelings for my male therapist, who has been providing me with counseling for anxiety and stress management. I find myself drawn to him in a way that feels like more than a professional relationship. While I appreciate his support and guidance in helping me navigate my mental health challenges, I am struggling with the ethical dilemma of wanting to ask him out. The thought of crossing this boundary feels inappropriate, yet I can’t ignore these emotions. I’m not sure how to deal with this without messing up the therapy process. — Falling for My Therapist
DEAR FALLING FOR MY THERAPIST: While it is not unusual for a patient to develop feelings for a therapist, it is not ethical for the therapist to reciprocate in any way. If you do not think you are capable of continuing to see your therapist in his professional role, you should ask him to refer you to someone else to counsel you. Then, if you still want to, you may broach the subject of going on a date.
Whether or not you end up dating this therapist isn’t so much the issue, but it will be hard for you to listen and work together if you are harboring feelings for him. Be honest with your therapist. If he is a true professional, he will help you find another therapist.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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