Good evening and welcome to live coverage of the Ballad of John & Yoko derby, between Holland and France. Yes, I know we have finally caved and started calling the Netherlands football team by their proper name but for years no coverage of the Briljant Oranje would be complete without a reference to Hup Holland Hup, what the fans called themselves and why we were sticking with that convention. It was nothing at all to do with the fact that it took less time to type during a hectic blog … but please forgive any lapses tonight.
Both sides won their first matches in Group D, the Dutch coming from 1-0 down to beat Poland 2-1 by virtue of goals from Cody Gakpo and Wout Weghorst. Ronnie Koeman’s side had dominated the match but their profligacy seemed to be damning them to a draw until old Supersub himself bailed them Wout with an 83rd-minute winner. France were equally careless in front of goal in their 1-0 victory over Poland, a match won by Max Wöber’s own goal and in which their twin glory boys, Kylian Mbappé and Antoine Griezmann, were both hurt, Mbappé having his nose splattered in a collision with Kevin Danso’s shoulder and Griezmann cutting his head when barged into an advertising hoarding by the aforementioned Wöber who seemed as if he was auditioning for a remake of the Bangville Police.
Mbappé, who has been training in a tricolor mask which Uefa says he will not be allowed to wear tonight as its regulations state medical devices worn onfield should be one colour only. If they risk him now, knowing that they still have Poland to play, he will have to go out in something less patriotic but is it worth it against centre-backs as physically robust as Stefan de Vrij, Virgil van Dijk and Nathan Ake? They’ve still got the warhorse Olivier Giroud who could start the match or Randal Kolo Muani, who scored in the World Cup semi and ‘won’ a penalty in the final. But Mbappé does seem keen to play.
Unusually these two sides were in the same qualification group, France finishing top after beating the ultimately second-placed Dutch 4-0 at home and 2-1 away, Mbappé scoring twice in each game. But Netherlands have a better head to head record in Euros finals. Having lost on penalties in the Euro 96 quarter-final, they fought back four years later on home solid to beat the world and imminent European champions 3-2 and hammered them 4-1 at Euro 2008 with goals from Dirk Kuyt, Robin van Persie, Arjen Robben and Wesley Sneijder. Marcus Thuram, the son of France’s captain that day, Lilian, will start on the wing for France and will hope that he and nine other team-mates can match the contribution of N’Golo Kante in Düsseldorf who was the first man in this competition to suggest the Saudi Pro League isn’t a luxury vets circuit.