Cdr Gray said losing the ship meant that her “very worst imagining” as captain had become a reality.
The ship’s crew had responded to the emergency “exactly the way I needed them to”, she said, praising their “commitment and courage”.
She has been captain of HMNZS Manawanui, which is Māori for “steadfast” or “big heart”, since 2022.
The hydrographic and salvage vessel is based at Devonport Naval Base in Auckland.
Cdr Gray started her Royal Navy career in 1993 as a warfare officer, serving on frigates, mine hunters and aircraft carriers.
She and her wife Sharon emigrated to New Zealand in 2012.
“The most obvious thing to do was join the Royal New Zealand Navy,” she said in an official navy profile.
HMNZS Manawanui is a relatively new ship that entered service in 2019.
“With Manawanui, it’s not just about the command. This is an opportunity to take a ship still in its infancy and further the capability of that ship,” she said in 2022.
The sunken vessel is leaking diesel into the sea, Samoa’s Marine Pollution Advisory Committee said on Thursday.
The New Zealand Navy has sent a team which will “react to any contamination of local beaches and to remove debris that has started to come ashore”.